Where should I even begin? For the last year, since the day my husband smashed the glass I’ve had something stuck in my throat, something is hidden away in my closet, something I’ve been attempting to bury.
Frankly, it’s taken 600 miles, a therapy session, and my loving husband for me to finally swallow what was stuck in my throat – my identity, my Jewish identity and most of all that I went through an Orthodox conversion.
Weird huh? To those of you that know me, I seem like your typical Jewish girl, but on the inside, I’m the most confused girl in the entire world or until recently I was.
I didn’t always have a lost sense of identity, not until I became a Jewish adult did I lose myself.
What whirled me into this dark tunnel of Jewish halacha, identity issues and a loss of faith was a Rabbi in Australia, my husband’s family and the State of Israel.
To keep a long story short and to introduce you to the purpose of this website I’ll lay it out in four brief points:
- My mom met my dad on a blind date, they fell madly in love, he was Jewish, she had no religion, his mother said no, they pushed back, she converted, they got married, they had four kids and are living happily ever after.
- Like any other Jewish girl abroad, during High Holy Days, you go to synagogue, except I walked into an Orthodox Shul, which my other Jewish companions did as well. I became good friends with the young people at the Shul and soon was coming every Friday until the Rabbi looked me straight in the eyes one evening and asked why I continued to come to even though I-was-not-Jewish (Allow the identity crisis to begin here).
- A few years later, like how my mother met my father, I met my husband on a blind date, it was love at first sight. On our fourth date, I told him my mother was a convert, he didn’t care, and we decided to get married. But it wasn’t so simple.
- I have a profound love for the State of Israel and more so for Tel Aviv. I LOVE THIS PLACE. It’s heaven. Tel Aviv was the one city where I felt comfortable being who I was, the product of a converted mother and Jewish father. The biggest reason why I went through an Orthodox conversion is because I am a Zionist, I hope my children experience all Israel has to offer, and in order for them to take advantage of everything, I had to become a “real Jew” under Halacha.
So, as I now am fortunate to be the wife of an incredible man, feel confident with my own Jewish identity (almost), I’m going to write for all the other men and women out there who have dealt with my struggle. Whether it was marrying foreign, being told you weren’t who you actually were and for those who are ever so curious what some of us will do for love.